Making lemonade, finding the silver lining in a broken heart

I just drew this trying to do some art therapy for myself...

Moving away from learning to be cheap my recent decisions will not be cheap at all... except hopefully in the long run. Last weekend KE and I broke up. I spent a lot of time thinking and talking to my mom and I was telling her how I was not happy at school. I have been less and less passionate about my career path. After my summer at Yestermorrow I went straight into school without time to process how the experience changed me. In part because I don't feel solid in my program and in part because I wanted to be closer to KE I said I wanted to move back to the city. KE decided that he needs to focus on his career fully which means no time for me. I am devastated, dropping weight like crazy for lack of appetite and still planning to move back to the city.

I emailed everyone I know, I have a couple friends I can stay with while I look for a sublet apartment and a new job. I believe that KE and I will be friends but I need to really take a break in order to be ready for that. I still want him to be a part of my life, he was my rock for the last 6 months when I went through a lot of change. Now I need to be my own rock and face change again. Luckily I have many great friends and very supportive family. I have already had offers of places to crash all over the country. I am taking this opportunity to really reevaluate my own career goals. I lost sight of my goals because I had KE and he became my goal. I had my eggs in many baskets and then suddenly I had one basket and it was him and he wasn't ready for it. This has been easier than the last break up, I have grown a lot and I am both dreading and looking forward to even more personal growth to come in the months ahead.

For this move I will be traveling light. I will put all my things in storage near my mom's house, and coordinate my move with her move (again!) so that we only rent one truck. This way we can also help each other move. I will keep my car at her house in DE and come up to NY with what I can carry in a backpack and a duffel bag. I have already contacted friends and gotten a couple offers of places to stay while I look for a sublet, which is near impossible when outside the city. I am going to push this time of change for myself and try to move to an area that is outside my comfort zone. I lived in the Pratt area for 8 years and it is what I know. I am going to try living in Manhattan. Even if that means more money and less space. I am also going to do what I was doing in my last between relationship time: self improvement. I want to say yes to going out. I want to be more involved. If I am living in a small apartment I will go out. If I start out with just a few months sublet I can see how this new approach works for me.

I will also be job hunting. Part of why I am leaving this prestigious school is the cost of the school and the benefits I will gain that require the degree I'm working towards just don't add up. After my summer on a construction site, where I was working with my hands, and I loved it. I have learned through my limited work experience I need an office that keeps me busy, especially with a variety of tasks or else I tend to get bored. I like working with my hands, I always have. In my free time I sew and bake and do crafty things- like a card cut out of paint chips with an exacto knife. Precision and detailed work. In architecture school I was well known for my detailed models and love of tweezers for assembling them. I need to do something using my hands. If I can't do it for my main career at least I can find a job where I am on a construction site, and over see schedules, planning and coordination. These are things I do in my spare time for myself. Right now, however, my plan extends until Feb. Move to NY, find a job. In December I will be reading a couple books to help me think about the kinds of jobs I want to apply for and to work on my cover letter writing skills. This trip to Oregon couldn't come at a better time. Xmas with family at the beach house will be comforting. Although the wedding weekend that I'm about to head into might be a little rough. Friday bachelorette party, Saturday bridal shower, Sunday wedding. But if I remind myself that I'm not ready, but like the last breakup, I want to do new things, get a hair cut, dress up, make myself feel attractive. Perhaps a ladies night out is just what I need.

This has been an exhausting week, and it hasn't even been a full week yet. I had to come home and de-KE my apartment, I have gifts for him for Xmas that are now sitting in a box making me sad. I understand his reasons for not being able to focus on a relationship but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I hope that he figures out what he wants just as I hope that I figure out what I want.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But don't just make regular lemonade. Think about how you can make better lemonade. What can you do to improve your lemonade? I am working on improving myself so that my next relationship will be even better because I will be stronger and remember keep my eggs in more than one basket.

Sigh. I'm looking forward to going back to the city in part to go to museums, maybe practice some more drawing, that was one of my favorite things in Rome was all the drawings we did. I need to get out more and being in school does not lead to me getting out more, it leads to me retreating into my hermit shell, having KE made that feel like it was ok but it really wasn't.

Time for yet another cup of tea.

Budget woes or The conscientious eater - what can I eat?!

My budget is small. Not by the standards of some, but compared to what I'm used to from when I was working full time in high end projects in New York City (where the cost of living is also higher). Getting used to this is hard. To be invited to go somewhere for a weekend throws my gas budget way out of proportion. I was living the last month like I wasn't on the budget that I am an it's frustrating to see that at the end of the month I haven't paid (or received) my gas/electric bill yet and now I've spent my September money and so that will have to come out of October, along with October's gas/electric. I also have 2 trips planned to attend weddings one of which we will be staying in a hotel. Time to buckle down more than I have been. When grocery shopping I have been price comparison shopping and opting not to get things that are not in season.

I spent 2.5 hours grocery shopping because all my learning about the food system is making it even harder to shop. I see fresh strawberries that are organic and I get excited until I walk up to them, realize they are from California, a wave of guilt rushes over me and I pass them by. I walk to the freezer and look at berries and I don't know where they are from and I think about if they are from California as well all the energy it takes to truck frozen goods across the country. It makes me wish I'd been here in the summer to get my own produce and freeze it/preserve it. My goal for next summer is to U-pick a lot and preserve as much as I can. Canning, filling my pantry and freezing, filling my freezer (it's supposed to be more efficient when full anyhow). I'm only feeding myself so a freezer and cupboard full of preserved food ought to last me a while. I asked a professor of mine if he could teach me next summer how to preserve things and he said he will.

So, before next summer, I need to:
- save money to buy more food than I need in the summer
- read about preserving
- scout deals on jars for preserving
- figure out if I'm going to plant anything and what I want to pick and preserve (Pesto, tomato sauce, fruit, veggies, pickles, sauerkraut, etc.)
- hit the library, cause I can't afford to buy the books that I want!

Argh. Money. I have some food in my pantry so I will probably be having rice and beans and using the things I have in my freezer like that pound of ground beef from the farmer's market. My biggest fear is wasting food. Making a bunch of it and not finishing it and letting it go to waste. That's been one of my biggest hurdles, and I no longer have the excuse of roommates moving my food in the fridge (which tends to lead to me forgetting about it). It's all me!

I've also been keeping close track of my spending by keeping receipts and obsessively checking my mint.com account. I did start using my credit card again, so that I can get Amazon rewards, to buy books I need for thesis research and cookbooks. But still trying to make sure that I can pay off the credit card as soon as I get home- no balances carried over. (Making my credit card work for me). I also need to figure out how to save some money every month for bigger purchases like a flight home at Christmas time, postage for mailing New Years cards (cause no one's getting an actual present, unless it's home made and made from things I already have).

Ok, this is too much stress talk before 9am. Must study a bit before climbing the hill to school. I have a free bus pass but am enjoying the daily exercise (with the exception of arriving to school sweaty and then getting cold because I'm sweaty!). Come winter time though, we'll see if I feel the same.

In Brooklyn = ethnic food!

Indian food for lunch!
So apparently I don't like Mango Lassi that much... it's kind of sour
Tikka Masala, with rice and Naan
That's $20 out of my food budget for the month but soooo worth it.

I also splurged today on some books, one that I think will be really helpful for my thesis research: Hungry City and a copy of the current issue of Threads Magazine. I have some sewing projects on the board for a couple events in October and I'm always looking to learn better tailoring techniques. I splurged a bit on books the other day and today but I should be good with plenty to read now!


And tonight, Italian with my man, celebrating my birthday (a little late... part of the LDR deal).
Yay Brooklyn, back to lunch and studying!

Oh basil, the headache you cause me

I went to the farmer's market and basil is spendy. I really wanted to make fresh pesto! Then one booth had these pre made pesto kits with basil, already picked off the stem and the garlic and parsley. It just needed a couple more ingredients to be set. I was psyched! I bought it on Saturday... come today when I finally make time to make the pesto and the basil has all but turned completely black. So I love the "pesto pack", only $6 when a bunch of basil is $4 and won't get you the 3 cups this bag has. But I've learned... pesto must be made with the freshest of basil!

Pesto-less lesson learned :(

How not to buy a car in another state and then exchange it between family members

Why are state-to-state transactions so difficult!?

My mom lives in DE, she bought a car in MD and didn't pay sales tax because Delaware doesn't believe in taxes. She bought the car and put both our names on the title. Lesson one: don't do this.

If you are going to buy a car and give it to your child who lives in a different state (especially one with tax/higher tax) this is what you should do:
1. buy the car in your name in whatever state
2. get the title in your name in that state
3. sign the title over in your state to your family member, in that state
4. have that family member request a new title in his/her state- if it is gifted in the other state and you have a title you shouldn't have to pay sales


What not to do:
1. sign your name and your giftee's/daughter's name on the title
2. register the car in your state
3. take the car to NY with only the giftee present at the DMV
4. have to get the other person to take a trip up to your state in order to show proof of ID and sign the paper- oh and pay NYS sales tax because the NY residents was on the original papers
5. be told the credit card machines aren't working (and you are going to owe more than $500- who carries that much cash? or a check book unless you expect to use it?!
6. have the credit card machine work (thankfully!)
7. get plates, get emissions testing and wait for new title in about 3 months


Ugh. What a frustrating experience! Ready to leave the city where hopefully things will be clearer.

Never rent a 16' truck in NYC and other lessons learned from moving out

A 16' truck is a commercial vehicle. No one at the rental place told me this when they said "well it's the same price as a 10' truck". It is not the same price. On the Verezano bridge alone I paid $20 to get through, I had to take truck routes and pay truck tolls. There is no parking of commercial vehicles in residential neighborhoods overnight (a $65 ticket). So while the price at budget was the same as a 10' truck the price within the city and the reality is that it cost more than that. On top of that, it was a huge pain to drive in the city.

Now I am staying with KE and trying to get started with my fitness regime I was so excited to have the time to implement. So far, it hasn't been going as well as I'd hoped, but I'm working out my eating plan again and trying to figureout what to eat that's healthy and cheap before I head off to an unknown kitchen this summer. I did pick up one thing at Wal-Mart for the summer though: a mini food processor. It holds 1.5 cups and I look forward to making fresh pesto! I may even get some potted basil plants to keep in VT. When I get there and check the lay of the land I'll know more about that.

Back to diet planning!

boo realizing I *could have* saved $250!

If I'd signed up for the online prescription refill through my insurance company I would have apparently saved $250 on my already expensive prescription! In the future, I will have to pay more attention to online prescription options. Even if I had to keep this pill because there isn't' a cheaper alternative, it would still be cheaper than going to the pharmacy every month (and I would get a few months filled at once instead of needing to refill it every month.) Now I'm changing insurance in 3 months so I will still save some money (except that I will be on COBRA, which is way expensive). I'm not looking forward to figuring out health insurance when I'm done with school. I also wish I'd looked into the cost of alternate pills and brought the co-pay to the attention of my doctor earlier. There has to be a cheaper/ generic alternative out there. Unfortunately I wasn't trying to think cheap before, and I paid for it, literally!

If I knew then what I know now. I could have saved $250 :(

oh jeans, how I loathe you

The problem with loving to bake and trying to perfect a chocolate chip cookie recipe is all the calories. My jeans (freshly washed and line dried so slightly shrunken) didn't fit this morning. I have been horrible at eating well save the nights KE and I cook together and make a full correct meal (meat,veggie, starch). I need, once again, to reevaluate what I'm eating. My favorite days are days that I bring veggies to snack on. Today I have red grapes, baby carrots and snow peas. I can fill up on those. I didn't have breakfast- the morning bagel, tasty as it is, is probably not the best way to keep a caloric budget. Not to mention that some mornings it is just too hard to get up early to eat breakfast (let alone exercise). I think this summer, when I'm working outside and on my feet all day, I will be bound to loose weight so long as I don't use it as an excuse to binge on unhealthy food all day. I've already looked up the farmer's market for the area I'll be staying and have been figuring out what kitchen things I will take with me. I think I just decided that I won't be taking any baking supplies. It'll be summer- I will have no excuse for not eating fresh fruits and veggies for those 3 months. I'll be keeping track of that on this site so hopefully we'll ass see some progress!

The past week

I tried budgeting with cash this week and it didn't work. I think it is because I got the cash at the beginning of the weekend. Week-End! I should be getting my cash on Monday and then spending it and whatever I have left at the week's end is what I can spend for entertainment/ going out/ drinks/ whathaveyou. The 100$ I took out last Saturday barely lasted me until Tuesday. I went grocery shopping, had a BBQ, failed at using my chimney starter, had to buy lighter fuel. I had tiring days in which I just wanted to go out, I spend many evenings with KE which made having breakfast difficult, I overslept and only went running once. I've also been very mentally busy trying to prepare for this summer at Yestermorrow, moving out of my place, trying to figure out who will take my room and if I'll come back next summer, what to do with my furniture, where to live in Ithaca when I head there in the Fall, and what to eat for lunch. Oh, and I bought a guitar and a guitar playing book. (To keep myself occupied this summer between reading and jumping into lakes and building stuff.)

I've been getting so bored with buying lunch, after the week of making my own lunch, in midtown. I stumbled upon Midtown Lunch an wandered to a couple new places, but still. I'd prefer to be eating things I made. I had planned to heat up left over Pad Thai and put it in a warmed up thermos but I was warned that the noodles would turn to mush because they wouldn't stop cooking. I didn't want to waste tasty Pad Thai (which is a good deal for me. $6.95 with chicken and it lasts me at least two meals from Thai 101- best reheated in a skillet on the stove- tastes way better than reheating in a microwave)

I'd better get back to filing taxes so I can afford my summer plans and filling out the FAFSA so I'm not homeless when I get to Ithaca! This weekend I'm having a crafting get together (crafting alone can be so boring!) and I'm also going grocery shopping. Let's see if I can't get my home cooked meals back in shape. Soup anyone?

This is hard

I'm trying. I took $100 cash out to last the week. I only had about $30 by yesterday. Staying at KE's doesn't help. Or even when he stays here, because I don't force myself to prepare lunch for the next day. Also the lack of a kitchen at work is frustrating because I can't bring leftovers. I splurged (sort of, it's $6 and lasts like 3 meals) on pad thai at Thai 101 on Tuesday.
This summer, living off savings, will be the true test. I can't just put stuff on the credit card because there will be no income to make sure it's paid off the next month. Also lunch is a bitch. I was enjoying bringing my lunch for the week that I actually did it.
I'm reminded of a Chinese proverb I think I read on some tea. "Failing isn't falling, it's not getting back up again" or something more eloquently written along the same line. So next week, try, try again! Meanwhile trying to be thrifty, tomorrow will be hard because it's my best friends birthday and I can't let her in her unemployed state pay for her birthday dinner! That would be blasphemous! Hopefully the whole group will chip in as has been the trend in the past however recessions make people do abnormal things.

The free exercise has been going alright. Running in the park is nice, if I can get myself up to do it. Yesterday morning? I couldn't make it happen. I'm trying again tomorrow and now I'm going to sleep so I don't leave my running buddy again! (I found a running buddy on Craiglist, I needed someone to meet so I'd feel obligated to show up! It worked better when I didn't have his phone number and therefore couldn't cancel on him!)

Next week: Home cooking challenge week 2! Which means meal planning this weekend. The goal, aside from saving money, will this time also include not buying more than I need/ can eat. Which may include more grocery store trips, but that is better than one grocery trip and a fridge full of uneaten food that has to be tossed.

snack time (or post dr. visit lunch before heading to work.

Apple with chunky natural peanut butter! Yum!

I heard yesterday that I was accepted to my first choice school, which means i will in fact be living in Vermont this summer at Yestermorrow . My tuition and housing are covered but food and gas money are not. So these practices (and the blog!) shall help and extend to my summer eating activities. Hopefully I will be able to purchase a lot of fresh foods. I imagine I won't be eating a lot of meats so that I'm eating cheaper. I still need to get the scoop on the kitchen availability... and if I will be able to bake cookies there. Hm, perhaps I can go to a shop that sells things in bulk and buy just enough flour and sugar for cookies and not have extras to deal with while I'm living in a screened in cabin (my mom vetoed me staying in tent... I thought it would be fun for a summer!).

Totally unrelated: KE is awesome, he got me a whistling kettle! My previous kettle didn't whistle and I was distracted by a movie the other day and burnt it pretty badly when the water cooked off and I remembered it about halfway into my movie!

Now that I'm done with my apple snack and doctor's appointment it's time to get to work!

Happy Thursday!

So I failed to bring lunch... or eat breakfast at home

Everything bagel toasted with cream cheese and a small hot chocolate
$2.85

3 potato samosas from the Cafe Spice in Grand Central Terminal
$3.63

Celebratory bag of M&Ms (I got into my first choice grad school!)
$3.78 (Easter colors, they were cheaper than regular by 50 cents!)

$10.26 Total

All paid for with my spare change, cause I'm not taking out anymore cash until I have it to take out!

When experiemnting with food, start cheap

Like an herb sauce. Last night, in attempt to clean out my freezer, KE and I made broiled salmon. We both have the goal of being better at making sauces so we decided to try to make a dill pesto type sauce. I made the mistake of looking up a recipe that called for parsley as well. We also had way too much dill and parsley so we made more than "one recipe" called for. It tasted green. Like grass, without the fresh cut aroma. The dill was lost amongst the parsley, almost as if the two greens canceled each other out for flavor. This was surprising, because dill is such a strong flavor!

The sauce tasted a little better on the fish, but the fish having been in the freezer for way too long it was tough and the color of a salmon t-shirt... and not in a good way. I was glad KE bought a piece of fresh salmon because he wanted to make sure to have enough left overs to take for lunch today. The fresh salmon was the perfect texture and it made the "green sauce" taste better, not that we ate much of it.

Our side dish was Dijon roasted potatoes. A favorite of mine. KE brought over a bag of baby red potatoes (the cutest potatoes!) I normally cut them but because they were so small I opted not to. This was a medium sized mistake. There were about 3 delicious potatoes, which complimented the 1 of 3 good pieces of salmon. All in all we had a 33% tasty and 66% mediocre to awful meal.

What saved this meal was dessert. I have a serious sweet tooth and because dinner wasn't done being made, let alone eaten until about 10:30pm with piles of dishes and a plethora of dirty knives and counter space I opted not to make the chocolate chip cookies that have been on the back (but really the front) of my mind. When I went to pick up dill I saw Ciao Bella Maple Gingerbread Gelato in the fridge and could not help myself. I got it. After washing and drying most of the dishes, we ended our meal alternating scooping out gelato and trying to discover the little pouches of gingerbread.

What I learned from this week's wednesday night dinner:

• When experimenting with a new sauce or something, use herbs, it's a lot cheaper than messing up with meat (which I did last summer with my first ragu ever that sits unloved in my freezer).
• If you are going to experiement, aim for a nigh when you have more time. We didn't finish all the prepping, cooking, eating and cleaning until about 11:30pm. Which also meant we ate late.
• Always keep good ice cream on hand. It's nice to have something you know will be good after a 66% failing meal!
• Take more pictures while prepping, and upload them promptly!